I feel stuck. I feel stagnant. I feel unfulfilled. Today is Christmas and I woke up feeling just okay. When I was a kid, I was always so eager to get to bed xmas eve because I couldn't wait to wake up xmas morning and open all my gifts. I woke up and wasn't excited about today. Where has that excitement for life gone? I miss it and I want to find it again. I met my family in the living room and I sat there as my mom passed me gift after gift after gift after gift. I was satisfied with the first gift I opened....mascara, a book, and chocolate. My mom kept handing me gifts and I started to cry because I was so overwhelemed with all this "stuff"
I am so grateful that I received everything I needed/wanted and more, but it's like I didn't really care about it. There was no "thing" that I received that gave me that feeling of.....excitement. My excitement for life has disappeared. I want a challenge, I want to do something adventurous, something big, something new. Sometimes I feel like I need to get away. Should I? Maybe I need to explore myself a little more and figure out what I really want with my life. Maybe I dont need to figure anything out and I need to go with the flow. What is it?? I don' know!!
Life is easy right now, I get everything I want, I have everything I want and more. But why aren't I satisfied. I sometimes wonder how rich people feel. I feel like my life is enriched with all this great stuff, but why aren't I so happy. Is anyone ever really happy. Does anyone ever really know what they're doing with there life? Does anyone ever really know what they want? Some say yes and some say no. What is the answer? It's as if I want to see a psychic for some guidance, but is that the easy way out? Why can't I just be present and in the moment with how I feel? I feel stuck and I don't know what to do.