Stuck Stagnant Unfulfilled

I feel stuck. I feel stagnant. I feel unfulfilled. Today is Christmas and I woke up feeling just okay. When I was a kid, I was always so eager to get to bed xmas eve because I couldn't wait to wake up xmas morning and open all my gifts. I woke up and wasn't excited about today. Where has that excitement for life gone? I miss it and I want to find it again. I met my family in the living room and I sat there as my mom passed me gift after gift after gift after gift. I was satisfied with the first gift I opened....mascara, a book, and chocolate. My mom kept handing me gifts and I started to cry because I was so overwhelemed with all this "stuff"
I am so grateful that I received everything I needed/wanted and more, but it's like I didn't really care about it. There was no "thing" that I received that gave me that feeling of.....excitement. My excitement for life has disappeared. I want a challenge, I want to do something adventurous, something big, something new. Sometimes I feel like I need to get away. Should I? Maybe I need to explore myself a little more and figure out what I really want with my life. Maybe I dont need to figure anything out and I need to go with the flow. What is it?? I don' know!!

 Life is easy right now, I get everything I want, I have everything I want and more. But why aren't I satisfied. I sometimes wonder how rich people feel. I feel like my life is enriched with all this great stuff, but why aren't I so happy. Is anyone ever really happy. Does anyone ever really know what they're doing with there life? Does anyone ever really know what they want? Some say yes and some say no. What is the answer? It's as if I want to see a psychic for some guidance, but is that the easy way out? Why can't I just be present and in the moment with how I feel? I feel stuck and I don't know what to do.

The Shift

There's this shift going on in the universe and I think many people are feeling it. It seems that everyone I talk to is in search for something or depressed; questionning everything in their life or doesn't know what makes them happy anymore. After watching eat pray love, it was as if I saw similarities in myself as I did in the movie. If you feel the same, don't panic, lets reflect. I remember feeling really scared of what the outcome of my life would be based on how down I was feeling. I was scared of losing the things in my life that I already had or the unknown. What I have discovered is that it isn't anyone or anything in your life that is to blame for this feeling. We all want to figure it all out RIGHT NOW or find an excuse or something to blame, but in reality its just us. We are the ones going through something and the people in our life that are trying to understand us or are willing to emotionally support us are the people that love and care for us. Don't push them away.

This year was a year of questionning everything in my life. At one point I wanted to be by myself and move out on my own. Then I thought I needed to get away from my soulmate. Then I thought I needed new friends and a new job/career. I wanted to run away from everything at one point. What was it? The wisdom in me knew that running away wouldn't solve anything, but bring on feeling even more alone then I already had. I couldn't remember what made me feel good because I felt like I was living my life from other people's influences. Here are some of the things I started to do that brought me back to finding myself.
I started to meditate again every morning and if I didn't have the full 20mins in silence, then I said a prayer. I started to open up to the people I love and have had great long chats with them in hopes they would listen to what I had to say. They all did. I really realized how much I was loved during all this time because no one turned their back on me. I am so grateful for this :) I have been simplifying my life by not checking email everyday or not texting as much. I have been writing in my journal to vent and then decide afterwards if I choose to share it with who I need to. Sometimes its as if there are two of me...my heart and then my mind...and when I follow my heart, I am so happy, but when my mind threw in those questionning or negative thoughts, I allowed it to control me as if it were another being. Without being negative towards myself, I've been looking into my eyes in the mirror and telling myself that I am beautiful, that I love myself, that I am great just as I am.
I have been using positive affirmations like, I am happy, I love life, I am joyous today, I go with the flow of life and trust that everything is working out for me. Although you may not feel that way, just affirming it over and over replaces those negative thoughts or the fear that's coming into your mind out of habit. BREAK THE HABIT. Its just like anything else. Thinking negtively or living in fear is a bad habit. 

Add a little singing, dancing, yoga, meditaton, prayer, listening to music, you time, family/friend time, pet time. Keep things simple. Go back to what made you happy when you were a kid and DO IT. Do it alone or with others...set yourself free. Express yourself  :)

La Familia

Family. What is family? Every family is so unique and dynamic and there is no family that is better or less than the next. Some families are small and some families are large. My family is small and when I say family, I mean the family I see on special occasions, not the family I see at weddings and funerals. I come from a household of four, my parents and then my sister and I. If I was to include my dogs, okay that'd be 6. I'm going to exhale the guilt I feel right now for not including my precious doggies in that household count. Going a little off topic here, but as I blog this I've got my puppy (3 years old) Lemon standing on the desk behind me, watching me, and the mommy doggy, Lexie, under the computer desk at my feet. I am so spoiled to have them by my side all the time, that I forget what it feels like to not have them around. I don't want to know that feeling. And I guess this is what it's like with our family. Every night after work, I know I'm going to go home and my sister will be in her room doing something artsy fartsy, my mom will be watching dancing with the stars, biggest loser, or so you think you can dance. And my dad passed out on the couch in the most awkward position, that everytime I can't help but think of how I could adjust his body so he can properly align himself to not feel achy when he wakes up to go to bed. I don't know a life other then this and the thought of anything other then this is not acceptable. I don't even open myself up to it. Where am I going with this? Our families are our roots, our ground, our foundation and there's nothing we can change about how it has all come about and how everyone landed in our families, but what we can do is accept what is and love each member with gratitiude for how they have contributed to our lives. In The Sacred Contracts by Carolyn Myss, she speaks about how before we all came down on earth, we all shook hands and signed a contract with the people in our lives to give to us or take from us, to love us or to hurt us etc. I signed a contract with my mother and father to have me at a young age and to struggle finacially, to then teach me all that they have taught me. The contract probably includes that we would butt heads for most of our arguments, and that in many ways I would be teaching them all that they need to know about life. It's such a powerfully spritual book, and quite a perspective Carolyn Myss has. Check it out.

Love and accept your families as they are, because you wouldn't be you without them. Cherish and bless them just as they cherish and bless you in their own unique way.

What is family?
Family is, looking in the mirror at ourselves.   

Multi-tasking

I remember sitting in a careers class at Brother Andre CHS and the teacher gave us a resume assignment. My mother had great experience hiring people and so I asked her for some help creating a resume. My strengths were listed as being punctual, a team player, and a great multi-tasker. So for the last 8 years I have been working on the multi-tasking skill and I have mastered it. Now in saying that, my body, mind and spirit has suffered greatly from multi-tasking. Multi-tasking is divided attention and when you multi-task ALL DAY LONG, you are never focused. So how can you achieve the things you want with great quality, if you're never really focused on it? On my current resume, one of my weaknesses are multi-tasking. My meditation practice has helped me with stilling my mind, clarity in my speech and focusing. My lesson is that  multi-tasking is no strength, it is my weakness (just as chocolate is) and without beating myself up over it, I'm grateful to be aware and I choose to do the things that assist me in focusing.
Focus on what you're doing and be IN JOY in the moment. Remembering that this moment is your gift.

BE IN JOY :) 

I am divine mystery

On Sunday morning, I woke up extra early and it must have been because of the time change. I practiced yoga and spent some time in meditation, but before I began my meditation, I selected a card from an inspirational deck called "I am Divine"
I shuffled the deck, closed my eyes and drew "I am divine mystery" and it immediately instilled fear in me. Before even reading the little message that went with it, I was so fearful. I felt fear for what was ahead of me and it brought me to a dark place. I was so anxious to read the message that went with it, for comfort. The message was to surrender to what is. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a GIFT.
How powerful is that? It was just what I needed to hear. When you spend so much time behind the wheel, steering your life in one direction one day and then the complete opposite direction the other day, I can't help but feel fearful of what I am attracting to me. BUT what I do know NOW, is that right now is my gift. With this beautiful gift of another day given to me in great health, loving surroundings, and love for myself, it doesn't matter what tomorrow brings nor what history is. Our moment of power is always in the present moment. As I blog this i feel the need to express that I shouldn't be taking all the credit for this wisdom. I was given the affirmation "Your moment of power is always in the present moment" from my fabulous friend Michelle. Thanks Michelle :)

With every breath, I inhale love and exhale gratitude, for I am grateful for the love that fuels me in this moment.

Don't listen to that inner voice

I always hear about how we should all listen to that inner voice. I hear it in yoga, I read it in books, I'm told through conversation. Now, if that inner voice is a negative, energy sucking monster who makes you feel horrible, then don't listen. That voice is your ego, it's speaking from fear. So please, do yourself this favour and don't listen to that inner voice. Listen to your feelings, how you feel with each moment. Always go with how you feel. Notice how you feel right NOW. Check in with how you feel when you go to work, when you interact with your friends, when you spend time with your partner, when you attend family gatherings, when you see your child(ren)/pet(s) after a long day. Check in to the signals your body gives you. I do experience that negative inner voice. I feel that it tries to manipulate some of my relationships, but I choose to not take it personal. Instead I think of how I feel being in the relationships. When that inner voice is trying to convince you of something it is saying, always check in with how you feel.

Do the things that make you feel soul good. Hang with the people that make you feel soul good. Do the work that brings that soul good fullfillment into your days. This is loving YOU, this is taking care of YOU, this is being SELFISH, this is BUILDING yourself up, this is finding your STRENGTHS, this is living with INTENTION, and this is living as a WHOLE.

Peace Peace Peace

Living as half or whole?

Are you living as a half or as a whole?
Living as a half is rushing through your day. Living as a whole is embracing your whole being in each moment. Whole living is conscious eating. Reflect on what you have put into your body thus far. From affirmations to food, it all counts. Go get yourself a herbal tea or a huge glass of water. ENJOY. Continue reading...

If you didn't start your day as a whole, rushed to shove food in your mouth or none at all, don't continue down that slope. Let's change your direction. Right now, take a second to prepare yourself a wholesome snack, maybe some fruit with nuts, or a Larabar. Don't take a second, you are worth more then that, take 5, take 10 :) Pardone moi.  And if you've been shovelling soso food in your mouth all day long, picture this. You wake up and Tummy needs about 30 minutes to realize she's hungry (I recommend waiting at least 30minutes) Waiting allows the hard working men in your bowels to maybe get rid of any more waste from yesterday. So before piling anymore food on the hardworking men in there, give them a chance to clear out. Then the men will want to start their days work, so there you go adding in your first very important well balanced breakfast. Tummy feels so good, and doesn't punish you with bloating or gas because you have fed her well :) Tummy thanks you kindly for taking the time for her this morning.

The first thoughts you think when you wake will determine your day, the first meal you have will determine your day...always start your day living as a whole. Take the time to yawn, to take a few deep breaths, to stretch your arms over your head, to notice what Tummy needs. Live as a whole. You are worth it. Love YOU.

Success

"Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it" I read this quote in a great book called Find your strongest life by Marcus Buckingham. Check it out.

Do you...
Like yourself...why?
I like myself because I am a loving person. I am a loving person to myself and I show this through the foods I eat, the healthy active lifestyle I lead, and the positive affirmations I say to myself in the mirror every day. I share what I know with others and I enjoy making people feel good. I love to encourage people to be the best they can be. I often think of how I am going to be an amazing mom because of all that I know and all the love I have to give.

Like what you do...why?
I like what I do. I look at my days with my clients as moments to express myself creatively through my hairdressing craft or even conversation. I know that to myself I am an inspiring person and I would love to be the one who sits in my chair time after time hearing all that I have to share. Not only do I love this creativity that bursts out of me regularily, but my yoga teaching as well. I teach from the heart. I teach what I know and add my own little inspirational moments throughout the class. I know that during my classes, my students learn how to get into the poses with what their body allows them to do that day. They spend a full class focusing on themselves, their breath, their body, their spirit. They feel soul good when they leave. This makes me happy.


Like how you do it...
I love how I cut, colour, and style hair. I love how I communicate with my clients/friends. I love how I make them feel comfortable with me and themselves. I love how I teach yoga and through what I express people can relate without having to share and having that option to openly share with me after class. I love this. I love expressing myself and I love when people listen to me. I do have valuable things to say because I pay such close attention to the things I experieince and I take all the learnings to then share with everyone.

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I do believe that I have alot to offer as a person. I am a great daughter. I am a great sister. I am a great girlfriend. I am a great friend. I am a great hairstylist. I am a great teacher. I am great and I know it.

Love YOU  :)

I believe this is SUCCESS.

Love YOU

Love YOU the way you are.
Love YOU first.
Love YOU now.
Loving the self and making ourseleves a priority in our own lives is HUGE. I can remember a time when I was so consumed with pleasing everyone I loved. And what I failed to realized was that I didn't love myself enough to add myself to that group. Find ways to spend time with yourself, whether it may be while you're driving, listening to a beautiful peice of music, taking a yoga class, focusing on your breath. Give yourself this time. You are worth it. There isn't anyone that is more important in your life than you. This may be hard to believe as a parent, but when you do love yourself, which in turn means taking time for youself, you are able to fill yourself up so you can overflow with love and then share with others. You are your truest self when you have clarity, breathe with ease, and can smile from your heart. Why not target this feeling every day.

Love YOU :)

All we really need is love

Love is the essence of everything, if we just allow it. If we just surrender to what is, love is beneath the surface of all. We all want to be loved and we all want to love. The act of service is the act of love. The acts of sharing, giving, and receiving are the acts of love. Love is the root of all happiness, just as the root of all evil is fear. Love YOU, love one another, love the universe. Love is all around you, why not choose to absorb and be influenced by the love. It's all around you, you don't have to go far.

Know that you are one with the universe, one with nature, one with self, one with your enemies, one with me. Feel grateful. All is well in your world and you know it. The true love in you knows it.

How do you separate following your heart from following your mind?

At times I question everything in my life. From my job to my relationships, to my self. I feel as though my mind always needs something to feed off of. You may call this drama. The mind never wants a dull moment and many artists/authors have different names for this voice in the head. I've heard names like the ego, mind chatter, chatter monkey, mitote, sabatour etc. This chatter can consume my days and when I say days I mean from the moment I wake up to the moment I lay back down. When I find that inner peace and allow my true self to shine, it overpowers my ego. So, how do we remain in that true self state? Be around the people that make you feel soul good, learn how to hear selectively, absorb only what will assist you to your destination. The sabatour lives from fear and the heart lives from love. If we could all learn to live from love and follow the heart, our precious NOW moments will always be full of life. There won't ever be a dull moment; won't ever be a time when you're mind over powers your heart. Imagine that, exactly that. And this is what you'll get :)

You are derserving of all the good that life has to offer. There is more then enough for everyone. Allow your mind to be silent; meditate on the breath and just be.

Do you love YOU??

Loving yourself is no selfish act. Why is it that when we care for ourselves we feel guilty or allow others opinions interfere with us doing things for ourselves. We choose how others can make us feel and what other people think of us is none of our business anyways. It's their shit, not ours. Why do we link a negativity to the word selfish. Being selfish is an amazing thing. When you are selfish, you take care of yourself first. And when you take care of yourself first, all else around you flows beautifully because you are taken care of. No more feeling like your gas tank is empty...refuel yourself every moment of everyday, especially on those days when you need it the most. Choose to have the strength to lift your own spirits. Affirm, i am the author of my life and I choose to feel soul good right here and right now. There is no one in this world who can fuel you, unless you allow them to. When you allow others to fuel you, make sure it makes you feel soul good. Stop getting fuel from a negative source because your soul tank will quickly deplete and feel empty.

In other words, know your sources of where you're getting your fuel from and why not have the strength to fuel yourself up. Lets stop relying on others, having high expectations of others to give us what we're missing, we already have everything we need in this moment. Just recognize it, it's all there. Broaden your awareness my friend, you are complete :)

Love you for you.

What does be your true self mean?

Be your true self. Well what the heck does this mean? We hear this all the time. What it my true self? How do I know I'm living my true self?

First off, being your true self means being you. Plain and simple, be you. With no fear, be yourself. It also means to reflect when making decisions. Before you choose to do or say something...ask yourself, will this make me feel soul good?? Or will this bring me guilt, anger, resentment etc? We all come from love and pure light. Anything that steers us away from this is not being our true selves. You are your true self when everything you do and/or say is harmonized with feeling soul good. If it doesn't feel soul good don't do it or don't say it. If it doesn't come from love, it' not your true self.

Know that you are perfect as you are. If you don't believe it, well start now. This will bring you to your true self.